Hell? Just Take a Right at Good Intentions Road

I realize that people often take what I say about "charity" work overseas with a grain of salt because they think I'm jaded or because they want to hang on to the innocent belief that all do-gooders really do good. Believe it or not, I, too consider myself an optimist and want to believe the best of others. Burying our heads in the sand and trusting organizations because it makes us feel good about ourselves is not the answer, though. And unfortunately, too much done in the name of "good" is actually done for the purposes of patting one's self on the back and ignores the actual consequences of the charitable action.

Let me be the first to say: there is good work being done. But before you give-- your money OR your time-- do your research. Sometimes not even seeing is believing.

Seriously, if you're thinking of donating overseas this holiday season, I can point you toward a couple legit organizations. Or, donate closer to home to be sure your intentions are realized.

Morning Coversations

(Upon waking)

S: It's a good thing I was married to Jerry O'Connell last night in my dreams or you would have been in very big trouble this morning.

C: What was I doing?

S: You weren't doing anything. I told you, it was Jerry O'Connell.

C: Right. What was Jerry O'Connell doing?

S: Let's just say he wasn't being very faithful.

C: Figures. Celebrities.

(Later over breakfast)

C: I almost sent you to work with no sugar in your coffee.

S: Whatever. I keep sugar packets in my desk just in case that happens.

C: Pfft. No trust. No trust at all. Look-- don't punish me for Jerry O'Connell's mistakes. Don't paint all ridiculously handsome men with the same brush!

Forget the Riders when you talk about pride

The Leader Post, along with The Calgary Herald, ran a story about Saskatchewan Roughrider fans planning to wear bras to the game in order to "taunt" Calgary Stampeders QB, Henry Burris. It seems photos of Burris wearing a bra have surfaced on the internet.

"Who better to welcome to town for a big game than that cross-dresser from Calgary?" joked Riders fan Natalie Hanson, referring to Burris.

It seems like the one time our media still chooses to attempt to remain "objective" and report "just the facts" is when it is trying to pass off ignorant homo/transphobia as nothing more than a little healthy sports rivalry. Totally harmless, right?

I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure of sitting in or near the University section on the East side of Taylor Field. I have. It's full of drunk fans who reek of their own B.O. and their own special brand of homophobia. Perhaps my ignorance shows when I tell you that the one time I had to sit in that section, I was shocked to hear the immature, poorly rhymed, pathetic chants of the crowd that attempted in vain to shake the confidence of the opposing team with sickeningly homophobic overtones. Each chant included "homo" or "fag" or some other allusion to gay sex.

It was beyond hostile. It was hateful.

So who cares if a few twenty-somethings go get drunk and shout homophobic remarks for three hours? If you don't like it, sit somewhere else.

Sure. And if you're a player, don't be yourself. The persistent, harmful myth that men who play rough sports aren't gay (because they're all dancing or figure skating, of course) is allowed to carry on because the culture of sport isn't safe for athletes who are gay, bi, or trans. Don't ask, don't tell, goes far beyond the American military. For these athletes, to come out of the closet would be career suicide. All you have to do is sit in on one peewee football practice to figure out why and how deep it runs.

The use of emasculation as a coaching technique is alive and well. Granted, while there are many coaches who manage to lead teams without this method, it is no secret that many still employ it as their first line of offense in grooming these young athletes. I’ve heard it many times with my own ears. It can’t take long for boys in any football or hockey league to figure it out: Straight guys good. Everything else bad.

This attitude damages people to the core. Even those boys not involved in sport are shunned from high school locker rooms if they dare to come out. Those who do choose to play but can't "handle" it, drop out of a sport they love, just so they don't have to be ashamed. Those who hide it well enough are forced to do just that-- for their entire sporting careers and sometimes beyond. A lifetime spent unable to be yourself.

Because some “fans” think it's "harmless" and in "good fun" to spew hate at a significant portion of the population.

Oh-- and because this newspaper thinks it's cute, too.

So seriously—there is not one single writer or editor who found that story as careless and tasteless as I did? No one thought for a second about the hate they were perpetuating by attempting to demoralize the competition by calling him... gasp... a cross-dresser?

Apparently. Because the story ran with nary a hint of critical analysis.

But that's not what the sports pages are for, right? Real news? Because, see, real news would be getting more than one side to a story-- showing people a perspective they may not have been exposed to otherwise and letting them make up their own minds. Instead these "journalists" carry on the charade of homophobia in sport being perfectly normal and a swell way to show your Rider Pride.

Hopefully there are at least a few of us out there who think other kinds of pride are more important. As allies, it is our responsibility to speak out against ignorance like this. It isn't our careers or our physical well being that is on the line, just our integrity.

*Edit-- I have replaced the original with the one that will be published. Although I realize my anonymity is precarious at the best of times, the public nature of this particular post may lead more people here who know my name. Should any of those readers be young and impressionable, I feel that this edited version will serve the same purpose without damaging their young psyches.

There's No Pill For This

Yesterday, CBC radio had a short segment on the growing problem of pharmaceutical child abuse. Last year alone there were 1400 cases of parents or caregivers drugging children reported to Poison Control (I shudder to consider the number of unreported cases). The average age of these children was two. Two years of age. Half younger, half older, the vast majority under the age of five.

The poisons ranged from laxatives to alcohol to antidepressants to sedatives to street drugs like cocaine or meth. Though it is difficult to pinpoint why this is happening, the researchers ventured some guesses. Though entertainment was a plausible conclusion and munchausen by proxy another, they believed that more often than not, parents were trying to sedate their kids.

Be quiet. Sleep. Leave me be.

I've been thinking about this a lot since I heard it. I'm no expert, but I have my ideas as to the causes of this phenomenon.

First, sleep deprivation is no joke. I am the first to admit this. Though I know we have not seen the end of the spectrum when it comes to baby-caused-sleep deprivation, I know that we have ventured quite a distance down that path and it isn't pretty. I can't imagine what it would be like for those parents going at it alone, with few resources or supports. We tried everything to get N to sleep, but never considered drugs. I can understand, though, how people might get to the point where they look longingly at that anti-nausea medication and wonder what could be so bad about capitalizing on its side-effects. Especially in a society that has a pill for everything.

Doctor, I can't sleep.

Here's a sedative.

Doctor, I'm sad.

Here's an antidepressant.*

Doctor, I'm not as virile as I once was.

Here's a little blue pill.

Doctor, my back hurts.

Here's a pain killer.

Doctor, my back still hurts.

Here's a more powerful pain killer.

Doctor, I can't sleep.

Here's a sedative.

My kid won't sleep. What would my doctor do?

This "medicate away your problems" attitude in our culture must have a role in this growing trend. Combine it with our prevailing (and promoted) penchants for instant gratification and the popular push to avoid all things that cause even the slightest discomfort (I've ranted about this before), and it's a recipe for disaster for babies whose parents don't know anything else.

The doctor reporting on the feature said that all we could do was get the word out and let people know that it is unacceptable. This, in my opinion, is a cop out. Our governments need to start showing more support for non-medical or "alternative" treatments for what ails us in order to counter the pharmaceutical propaganda that pervades our media. We need to start educating young people more effectively about preventative health measures and the dangers of our convenience minded society and change attitudes about medicine (let's get provocative, here people, and it needs to start with an update to the health curriculum and a mandate that learning about health should not end at 14 years of age). Doctors need to quit selling quick fixes and glossing over side effects and start working in conjunction with alternative health practitioners, not to mention holding their clients accountable for how their behaviours and choices impact their health. New parents need support for sleep, not just feeding and car-seat installation. Partners need a viable opportunity to stay home for longer periods to support primary caregivers. We as a community need to stop pressuring new parents to continue their lifestyles, uninterrupted, and setting the expectation that a child's sleep should look like an adults.

This is not the problem, but rather a symptom of something much larger and big problems require big solutions. The question is, who can we count on to tackle it?


*I want to be clear that I recognize clinical depression as a real problem, not just sadness, but I think we can all agree that antidepressants are over-prescribed and the root causes of depression under addressed.

The Real Lessons Learned from Disney

Smell You Later

It's been a while since I posted one of our inane conversations. We still have them. Not as regularly, but we do still have them. Here's one from last night before bed. It's gross but at the time we thought we were pretty funny.

C: (taking a whiff of his armpits after a 30+ degree day) Oh honey, I don't think I'm going to pass the smell test tonight.

S: Well that's unfortunate because today is the day that was selected by the Board of Smellucation for your post-assessment.

C: Post assessment?

S: Yes. We need to measure whether or not your smell has improved since the pre-assessment. It's called Assessment for Hygiene.

C: Oh. When was the pre-assessment?

S: Don't you remember? It was after your last shower.

C: Well this hardly seems fair. What happens if I don't improve?

S: There's an intensive intervention.

C: Intensive intervention? That sounds... intense.

S: Yes. We have to bring in Franklin.

C: Franklin? The turtle?!

S: Of course not. He's a fictional character, C.

C: Oh, yes. Of course. I was being preposterous. So who is this "Franklin" you speak of?

S: He's our Smell Consultant. He's pretty new to the job. He lost his retirement savings in a ponzi scheme and was looking for a second career. When you see him, you should be sure to wish him a happy birthday. He just turned 72.

C: What exactly does a Smell Consultant do?

S: Well, he teaches you how to properly cleanse using a variety of teaching methods and then follows a Release of Responsibility model.

C: This sounds complicated.

S: It's not really. First he will model showering techniques so that you can watch and learn. Then, he will help you practice.

C: Help me?

S: You know, you get to hold the wash cloth but he moves your hands.

C: Uh...

S: Eventually he'll just watch to make sure you do a good job.

C: Just... watch?

S: Yes.

C: I'm not sure I like the sounds of this.

S: Then perhaps you should have focused more on improving your assessment scores. If you fail to prepare, C, be prepared to fail.

I wish I worked for the Onion

Christian Groups: Biblical Armageddon Must Be Taught Alongside Global Warming

Manufacturing Depression

Here is a fascinating piece from Quirks and Quarks last week from the author of Manufacturing Depression Gary Greenberg. It starts about 2/3 of the way through after all the space science mumbojumbo. I don't want to misrepresent his argument, so I will leave it to you to have a listen or check out the link to his book.

Unitasking: Day One

So today, I manged to make it the whole day without checking my personal email, facebook, or my blog reader until N was in bed, dishes were done, and the bathroom was clean (I checked 30 minutes ago). I only checked my work email twice-- once at lunch and once after school. During my school day, I marked an entire class set of essays and created a multiple choice exam on poetry for my preAP students.

AND I still found time to blog before bed?

Let's see what day two brings...

P.S.

How do you like the new look?

Introducing: The Unitasker!

In response to this amazing article about how multitasking slows efficiency and, makes us dumber, I am going to try something.

From now until the end of the school year (June 29th), I am only going to check my personal email and check facebook AFTER Norah goes to sleep. I am deleting all of my saved tabs on Firefox. I will only check my work email after I have eaten lunch and before my 4th period class. The internet will not be open on my computer unless I am actively using it for the single task to which I am presently devoted. I will make a To-Do list at the start of each day and check off all the items, one by one, before I go home.

Wish me luck!